"Dramatic awakenings come when they do and we can’t force them to happen. But we can cultivate their causes and conditions."
Rick Hanson
The journey to self-realization or liberation, whatever you call it, is not always an easy or entirely pleasant one. While I have experienced many moments of great bliss, peace, and clarity during meditation, it also requires a certain amount of effort and commitment. Like any endeavor for personal growth, engaging in mindfulness practices often comes with challenges. There are times when you may uncover parts of yourself that have long been suppressed, bringing up discomfort, frustration, or even pain. This is part of the process and it doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong.
This is Not a Wellness Vacation
For those who have never been on a meditation retreat, it's easy to imagine it as a relaxing, wellness-centered vacation. While there are certainly elements of nourishment, relaxation and inner calm to be found, the deeper work of meditation often requires much more than just sitting quietly in peaceful surroundings. During one of my retreats, my teacher remarked, "This is not wellness." To which I would add, "Not wellness, but well-being." And it's true. Meditation retreats are not the same as wellness vacations, but they can have a much more lasting effect on our well-being.
The Difference Between Pleasure and Well-Being
There's an important difference between pleasure and well-being. Pleasure, often associated with quick hits like eating a scoop of ice cream or watching your favorite show on Netflix, is easy and immediately satisfying. Well-being, on the other hand, is something that usually builds over time. It comes from consistent effort, dedication, and sometimes from moments of struggle. The satisfaction that comes from overcoming challenges can go much deeper than fleeting pleasures, transforming your life and the way you relate to yourself and the world.
Meditation retreats are not about suffering for suffering's sake. We don't wake up early in the morning and meditate for many hours a day just to prove how much we can endure. But some deeper realizations and the release of stuck emotional or mental patterns often require a certain amount of discipline and focused effort. The benefits of this practice are long-term and can lead to profound personal transformation. The temporary discomfort is often a small price to pay for a life lived with greater awareness, peace, and clarity.
The Role of Intention in Meditation
One of the most valuable lessons I've learned on my meditation journey is the importance of intention. Without a clear intention, the effort can feel meaningless, and it's easy to become discouraged by the challenges that inevitably arise. But when you sit down with a clear purpose-whether it's to become a more patient partner, a more present friend, to overcome a problem in your life, or to explore the deeper truths about reality-your meditation practice takes on greater meaning.
I remember a particularly difficult time during a meditation retreat in Thailand, where the temperature often rose above 40°C. Sitting for long hours in that heat sometimes felt unbearable. But each time I reminded myself of my intention, how I wanted to grow as a person for my partner and daughter, the suffering felt more purposeful. It became easier to bear because I understood the deeper reason for it.
Wellness as a Bypass to Avoid Challenges
Don't get me wrong, there's certainly a place for wellness in life. I personally enjoy things like massages, saunas, at exhibitions or walks in nature as ways to recharge and take care of my physical and mental well-being. Wellness practices are essential for resourcing ourselves, especially when we face challenges in life. However, it's important to recognize that wellness can sometimes be used to avoid or bypass the real work of self-exploration and growth.
Difficult experiences, whether in meditation or life, are not something to run away from. As spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says: "Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists." These challenges can be used as opportunities for deeper work on ourselves to grow and become more resilient. Meditation helps us confront difficult situations directly, giving us the tools to sit with discomfort and ultimately transform it. Wellness practices can help support this process, but they shouldn't be used as an escape from the real work.
Finding the Balance
Ultimately, the key is balance. Both wellness and self-compassionate effort are needed to live a fulfilling life. We need moments of rest, relaxation, and nurturing as well as the discipline and courage to face the difficult parts of ourselves. Both are essential to creating lasting well-being.
If you're considering going on a meditation retreat, don't be put off by the potential challenges. Yes, there will be moments of difficulty, but there will also be moments of profound peace, clarity, and joy. The deeper work of meditation isn't always easy, but it's deeply rewarding. It's not just about feeling good in every moment, but about transforming your life in ways that can bring lasting well-being and resilience.